Reflections of a Regret
by ice flow
Summary: An introspective view of Jirou's life from childhood to adulthood from the views of his family. AtoJi
1. Chapter 1

Another fic~! Hope you like it! XD

**Title**: Reflections of a Regret  
**Author**: ice  
**Genre**: General, Family  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Pairings**: AtoJi  
**Summary**: An introspective view of Jirou's life from childhood to adulthood from the views of his family.

**Disclaimer**: I can only wish I owned PoT...Atobe and Jirou would be official.

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I don't know when it was that my little brother became someone I did not know nor understand, when it was that he had integrated himself amongst the elite of the elite, when it was that he had become no longer a part of our family but a part of _theirs_...

My first memory of him was when mother came home looking ecstatic--despite the fact that she did not sincerely adore children--that there was soon to be a guarantee to the family line. I was to be heir, yet there was no telling what would happen should something happen to me. At that time, it did not register to me that the new baby was to be a backup; I did not even know what a baby was. And so I thought nothing of it.

When she and father brought him home however, I was only curious as to what the softly breathing bundle she was carrying was. Five nights later, I had finally managed to sneak into my baby brother's room and peek in at the cradle. What I saw puzzled me. Wispy golden hair--that would soon darken into a red-gold shade--framed a pale, delicate, heart-shaped face. Chubby fingers grasped at blankets as he lay on his side, slumbering silently, releasing small inaudible puffs of air. What was this supposed to be? A new playmate? But he was too tiny. I was already four years old. I did not want to deal with such a small seemingly fragile thing. At least he wasn't loud. He seemed a little too quiet, now that I think about it. Too quiet for an infant of only five days old.

And quiet he stayed. He rarely cried loudly; soft sniffles would be released from pouty lips, and one of the maids would rush over to silence the small cries. Sometimes mother would visit; I think she rather liked the fact that he wasn't too much trouble to take care of. He was content to stare at his surroundings whenever we went out, or at me whenever I was around. At that time, I had taken to doing my school work in his room. He was quiet, and yet at the same time, calming. His soft breathing kept the room from being too silent, yet allowed me to concentrate on my work.

Then came our little sister. She was born two years after him. Many called her "Mei-chan," saying that she was such a pretty little girl, that she would grow up to be the perfect wife for some lucky man in the future. Only, she wasn't as perfect as people thought she would be. After one or two days of relative silence as she took in her new surroundings, she began to cry often. She was loud, and learned to loved attention, and so, kept up her cries until someone tended to her. Of course, being the pretty little thing she was, there was no shortage of servants willing to take care of her, even as often as she called. Our parents did not know of this particular development however, and assumed that she would be like Jirou perhaps. The quiet backup that was seemingly ideal.

They were soon corrected on this predicament, however. Jirou soon began to stay awake for longer periods of time, still not being loud like Mei-chan was, but once he was released from the cradle, he began wandering the house. The servants would find him asleep in the strangest of places: the kitchen cabinet, the sink, under a chair, on a bed in one of the guest rooms (although how he managed to climb that high at the age of three I will never understand), or even behind a pot of plants in one of the less used corridors. The servants were sent into a panick come meal time every time. They would have to rush to find him, and soon, became irritated with him. They would comment, why couldn't Jirou-sama be more like Mei-sama?

Of course, it was also around this time that he soon latched onto me instead. He would search me out and sit with me while I was doing my work or in my lessons. He would be holding a toy, or a plushie perhaps, and would silently ask me if I would play with him. And every time I agreed, he would give me a beautiful, shy smile. I fell in love with that smile then and there. I suppose Mei-chan had a similar smile, but due to her extrovert and soon-to-be spoiled personality, it had been most likely buried. But for Jirou, every time he asked me, I would cave and let him have his way. I would play with him until he was tired and fell asleep. Strangely though, he only asked me when I was either done or almost done with my work for the day, and never when I still had much to go through.

That ended when mother found out what I was doing in my free time, however. I was eight, and he was four, soon to start primary, she dragged him up and away from me, yelling at him that he was disturbing his older brother's studies, that he should stay away from his older brother so that he could concentrate on his work. She was screaming, "So it's YOU who's keeping him down."

Jirou continued to visit me, however, even as he started primary school. He went with the butler, who dropped him off each morning and picked him up each afternoon. At first, he was the same, but within a week of starting, he was awake more often. He would chatter about his day at school to me, whether or not I was listening. He would often talk about his new "friend"--who I had doubted existed until I realized who it was that I had lost him to--saying that he had a beautiful angel who willingly played with him at school and protected him from bullies and gave him this funny looking pocky that tasted amazing and shared his blanket with him and helped him in class. I thought he had finally made up an imaginary friend his own age to play with now that he saw others his own age.

Then, one day, for a reason so petty that even I have forgotten, I yelled at him, telling him to go away and stop bothering me. Jirou lost his smile that day. It had faded slowly until his face was blank. Then he had turned and walked away calmly. I found him asleep in bed later that day. And the next day. And the next.

Every time he got home from school, he would nap in his bed, come down for meals, and go back to bed and sleep again. Of course, since mother and father were never around much, they did nothing about it. I doubted they even realized it. Mother was probably happy he had stopped bothering the precious heir of their company, and both she and father were too enamored with Mei-chan to ever bother with Jirou. They seemed to forget that he even existed sometimes, considering they rarely asked the head butler nor maid how he was doing. They only asked after Mei-chan, and about me to my governess. Yes, they sent Jirou to a school when they hired a governess for me. They eventually hired another governess for Mei-chan also, leaving Jirou to be the only one schooled at an institution. Perhaps that also allowed for the separation between him and our family.

Eventually, they did send me to an institution, Hyoutei Gakuen, one of the elite junior high schools, if not the best, in the country. When I was sent off, they told me that I was to make acquaintances, and forge networks with the best of the best, in order to insure the future of our company. I was to make "friends" with the heirs of other companies, of CEOs, of anyone of any worth in the future. I did as told, and eventually became part of the inner circle of Hyoutei's student council where the most important supposedly were. Hyoutei had a cuthroat system, if their tennis club was anything to go by. The rest of the school was just as bad. I had to strive for my place at the bottom of the elitists. I barely held onto my place as someone to be respected and of worth by the time I graduated from the junior high division of the school.

During my time as a junior high student, I lost even more contact with my little sister and Jirou. Mei-chan was constantly complaining about one thing or another, while still managing to keep up with decent enough work to eventually be accepted at Hyoutei junior high. Jirou, on the other hand, had surprisingly been sent to Hyoutei's primary school division, out of all primary schools around the area, as I later found out--although that probably shouldn't have been too surprising, considering how business oriented our parents were. Perhaps they had thought that if he couldn't be useful at home or as a backup even, then he'd at least manage to get our family's name in the upper class world. It didn't appear as if he succeeded, however, considering that no one knew who I was when I introduced myself--I hadn't realized that he had long since stopped introducing himself with his last name, preferring to be called only by his first. I suppose it was a good thing that he was entered into Hyoutei so early, though. He might not have passed the entrance exams, and since Hyoutei allowed students to advance by ascension, he had been automatically entered into Hyoutei's junior division the year I left. Last I heard of him was that he was still being as useless as ever, according to mother and father. Mei-chan has also started to scorn him, thinking that he was the useless being our parents often said he was.

When he started coming home late at random hours, no one paid much mind, thinking that he had probably fallen asleep somewhere and didn't wake up until then. (The butler had stopped taking him to school by the time he was in his third year of primary school and we had paid for bus fees instead. We assumed that he walked to the bus stop himself every morning and rode it to school since then.) He said nothing when he came home each day from junior high, not even to say if it was interesting or not. Father assumed that he slept through most of his classes--though he could not find a reason for how the school was not calling our house telling us that Jirou was failing his classes because he slept too much, while mother assumed that he was being the same as usual, not doing his part to help the family.

Therefore, it came as a shock to all of us when one weekend morning while watching the news, Jirou was mentioned as part of one of the tennis teams that made it to Nationals. Mei-chan said scornfully that he probably got lucky and was just on the team as an alternate when the team was already going to nationals. She said that Jirou was famous at school for being able to sleep anywhere anytime. Mother and father snapped out of their shock and agreed with her. However, that was when I began to have second thoughts. I knew that while there was the possibility that Jirou HAD just gotten lucky, but I also knew that Hyoutei's system in the tennis club did not allow for weaklings in their lineup. Although, after hearing about that regular who was dropped and then allowed back on the team, my opinion of the team did drop slightly. Perhaps Jirou did get in on luck...although...when had he joined the tennis team? Jirou was to graduate to Hyoutei's high school division this upcoming year while I headed off to university, but I had not heard a single mention of Jirou being in the tennis club. And Jirou? Jirou wasn't even present for breakfast that day; he had been regularly sleeping over at a friend's house every other day and during weekends. We all had assumed it wasn't anyone important though, since they were never mentioned nor did they ever call.

I soon dismissed this issue, however. I had entrance exams to Hyoutei's university to consider. Soon, university zoomed past me, and I was in its third year when our family received the same shock it did when I was in my last year of high school. Hyoutei's high school division boy's tennis team had won Nationals this time around, and Jirou was also on the team. It was an astonishing coincidence. Although, because we hadn't heard anything about Jirou being on the team last year nor about the team winning, once again, we dismissed it yet again. If he truly was a vital part of the team, then the team would have made it to National and won the years before also.

That would be the last time we would be able to dismiss his accomplishments.

Jirou moved out the moment he graduated from high school.  
Mei-chan and mother and father never spoke to him nor saw him after he moved out. As for me, I saw him around campus at times, dozing in the shade of a tree, but I never contacted him. He did not leave any contact information when he left, but we assumed that if we truly needed to contact him, we would be able to do so easily. And so, when I graduated from university, I did not bother to ask Jirou for his contact information.

We never heard from him ever again.

It would be five years later that we would wonder where he went and how he was doing. Father had taken ill and was in the hospital diagnosed with the most recent pandemic for the past year. There was no known cure as of yet, and did not seem as though there would be any time soon. Father was deteriorating steadily. The doctors estimated that he would have only another six months left. In the meantime, I had taken over the family company, and was successfully keeping it afloat with my contacts from my Hyoutei years. Our family was perfect, or as close to perfect as possible. Mei-chan was engaged and to be married within the year. I was married, with a year old son waiting at home with my wife. Mother and father got along splendidly. It was as if there was never another little boy in the picture.

So it was a shock when father wistfully mentioned that he would have liked to see Jirou once more before he left this world. I had almost forgotten that I had a little brother, although I had always remembered that sweet smile from my childhood years. With his request in mind, I asked my secretary to look Jirou up in the country's database of residents. However, when she informed me that there was no one named Akutagawa Jirou in the system, I was stunned. She also announced that there was no one by the name of Jirou fitting the description I had given her. That was impossible, there must have been thousands of men named Jirou in the country, and no one fit the description I had given her?! She answered that the last place Akutagawa Jirou was known to have been was Tokyo, the very city they were currently in, but that was over six years ago, the very year Jirou had moved out.

That was impossible, all residents who paid rent or owned a house were registered, even if the residents shared a house and split rent. The only way for him to not be registered at all would be for some reason or another, he was not paying any rent nor mortgage or had left the country. Mother and Mei-chan were shocked when I reluctantly explained to them that it was going to be difficult to find Jirou.

However, we never did find him. Miraculously, a cure was announced completed three months later, and it was then that we stopped our search. The cure was just in time to save father and still not leave any permanent trauma. What puzzled me at that time though, was why only three months earlier, all researchers had said that they were no where close to a cure, and yet a working cure was found just three months after? I searched around and eventually found that a secluded, unknown genius had somehow managed to gather a team of the best researchers and worked to develop the cure. However, no one knew who said genius was. There was no name ever given, but a few did mention that the Atobe Enterprises had a part in backing the research.

It was a startling idea, that the Atobe family had backed such research, although, it would make sense if someone in the family had taken ill with the same disease. At this point, I decided that it might be best if I take this opportunity to both thank the Atobes and perhaps launch a contract with them.

However, when I had finally managed to contact the secretary of the current Atobe head, I was told that the next available appointment was next year before she promptly hung up on me. Strangely, she hadn't sounded irritated until after I had introduced myself. Perhaps she had had an off day. I decided to try calling again tomorrow and hopefully I would have more luck. However, I did not have to wait until the next day. Five hours later, the secretary called back and told me that Atobe-sama would be available to meet with me tomorrow at two in the afternoon, to which I agreed. I supposed she felt better than earlier.

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The next day, after dressing in my most formal attire and organizing all my files into my best case bag, I headed off to the scheduled meeting location at the address I was given. To my surprise, after I gave my name to the attendant at the front desk of the restaurant I found myself at, I was led to the back and out the exit to a limo and told that we would arrive at the actual meeting place in another hour. Taking in my surroundings inside the vehicle, I could tell that the Atobe family was truly as well off as they came off in public. The vehicle was equipped with all the furnishings of a small hotel room, including a miniature TV, a bar, and seats that could possibly double as beds. I then spent the rest of the ride reviewing what I would say to Atobe-san when I met with him. I did not realize that everything I prepared that day would go flying out the window the moment I found out why Atobe-sama allowed me to meet with him this very day. It was not that he happened to have an open slot, but rather because he had canceled his other appointments for me...or rather, for my brother.

I stared in shock when after being led into the main sitting room, I saw a young man--younger than me--sitting elegantly on a leather loveseat with a slender, red-blond bundle latched onto the right side of his body. Atobe-sama raised an eyebrow at me and ran his hand through the wispy curls of red-blond hair when I froze in the doorway.

Of all the places to find Jirou, I had not considered that it was because he was living with someone rich enough to pay for all his living expenses, and especially not someone of Atobe-san's status.

Atobe-san smirked at me when I could not find my words and nudged Jirou, leaning down to whisper something in his ear. Jirou let out a small whine and paused before lifting his head from Atobe-san's shoulder, almost reluctantly turning and looking at me.

When neither of us moved, Atobe-san sighed and nudged Jirou again, tilting his head towards me. Jirou pouted for a minute before sighing and speaking to me.

"Hello, aniki."

The words seemed to draw me out of my shock, because then I couldn't stop asking. "What were you-where did you-how did-why-what are you doing here?" I finally burst out.

Jirou shrugged at me and replied, "I've been here for most of my life, you know."

I gaped at him. "What?"

"I've been regularly coming here since junior high, and before that I was always here whenever I skipped class." He explained. "Kei-chan picked me up every morning before school and dropped me off after school before that in primary school though. It was fun." Jirou smiled a sleepy, content smile.

"You've-" As I collapsed into a nearby seat across from the two, my brain attempted to process the fact that Jirou had known the Atobe typhoon for the majority of his life, even during primary school, and was even calling Atobe-san...waitasecond. "Kei-chan?" I asked incredulously.

Jirou gave a happy grin before replying. "Yep. Kei-chan!" He leaned back and snuggled deeper into Atobe-san's side, as if attempting to mold himself to the other.

Jirou...my little brother was...WITH Atobe?! I whipped my gaze towards Atobe-san. "You...he..."

Atobe smirked again at my speechlessness. "Yes, Jirou is in a relationship with Ore-sama, and has been since either of us could tell what hormones are." He let his arm slip around Jirou's waist and rested it possessively around Jirou.

I couldn't believe it, they had been together in a relationship for over a decade?! And since they could tell what hormones are? "Jirou, are you happy with this arrangement?" I asked my brother. If what Atobe said was true, then my little brother would not have known any better, would not have known any other relationship other than what Atobe told him. Even if Atobe forced him to be a toy for him, he could not refuse, especially if Jirou was living off of Atobe.

But Jirou only smiled that sweet, shy smile--the one that I used to receive--at Atobe and said, "Of course I am. I was the one who made the first move." That shocked me. "This idiot was in denial for the longest while after I kissed him that I almost thought that he didn't want me around anymore." Jirou pouted in remembrance.

Atobe looked irritated at that comment, but didn't do anything to my brother other than to pull him closer and practically into his lap and huskily whsipered to him, "But it was worth the wait, anh?"

All the while, I sat stunned and horrified that I was watching such an intimate moment. They appeared as if they were about to forget that I was there and start kissing, but suddenly, Atobe lifted his head up and looked at me. "I suppose now that you've remembered what you are here to do, please do so quickly. As you can see I am a busy man."

I couldn't believe he said such a thing to me while still looking as composed as he was, as if molesting a person in front of a stranger was an everyday occurance.

"Just how many times have you done this?" I demanded, gesturing at them and the space between me and them.

Atobe raised his eyebrow. "Ore-sama will assume you mean Jirou sitting on my lap in front of guests and not any other implications."

"A lot!" Jirou practically bouncing in Atobe's lap, apparently hyper. "I'm usually around even during meetings, unless Kei-chan's mad at someone. Then I shouldn't be around because the other guests think that Kei-chan is a pushover when he has 'a cute lover'" he scrunched up his nose at this, "on his lap. But otherwise, I can come in whenever I want. If they want to make any contracts, they have to be able to deal with me before Kei-chan will agree with them." He said happily.

I gave him a slightly horrified look. Most of the other major companies and officials KNEW that Jirou was practically Atobe's PET? I was interrupted from my rant by Atobe's cough. He looked impatient, as if telling me if I would get on with the initial reasons why I came in the first place.

I paused before speaking. "I had heard that you had a major part in sponsoring the research for a cure for the recent pandemic last year. My father had received the cure in time to eventually fully recover. On behalf of my family, I would like to thank you for this." I stood up and bowed deeply to the two in front of me, completely missing the sudden downcast look on Jirou's face.

When I straightened from my bow, I stood puzzled at Atobe-san's expression. He seemed at a cross between amused and sympathetic. Then I saw my little brother's expression. He appeared as if happy and yet depressed at the same time. There was a strange silence.

"I...I think I'm going to go to bed, Keigo." Jirou said as he stood up and walked out to presumably the bedroom.

Atobe remained silent and gazed at me contemplatively. "I could tell you who it was that sponsored the research for that, but I think you can draw the conclusion yourself. And if you truly wanted to know who the head researcher was, look in the old graduation records of Hyoutei University. I think you'd find something interesting about your family's 'useless son'." Atobe stood up and announced, "This meeting is adjourned. The butler will escort you out. I have other matters to attend to." The butler immediately appeared at his side and Atobe turned and began to swiftly walk in the same direction Jirou had left in.

On an impulse, he called out, "Wait!" Atobe paused and turned. "I...Please tell Jirou that I never thought he was useless. I know I didn't treat him the way he should have been, and I am sorry for that, but I do wish that I could have been there for him later in life like I was when we were little. I can't say anything for our parents or little sister, but I do still consider him my brother."

A pregnant pause followed. "Is that all?" Atobe stated in an arrogant tone, as if I was not worth his time, which perhaps I was not, considering what pain I could have possibly caused his...lover.

I sighed in resignation. "Yes. I apologize." I then walked to the front door, not looking back. I was interrupted right before I opened the front door, however.

"There will be a gathering for families and relatives of our close friends here next month on this day at eleven in the morning. Be prepared to not leave until late." Atobe said crisply before disappearing through the opposite door.

As for me, I sighed in relief. Perhaps I was getting my hopes too high, but it was something. Maybe we could be a proper family this time. As doubtful as it is, hopefully, Jirou will forgive all of us. He always did love the peace and quiet. He was a gentle boy, and it seems that he still cares enough for this family to work hard to find a cure for father, if I understood what Atobe-san said correctly. Now, I just need to convince mother and father and Mei-chan. I frowned. "This is going to be a lot of work..." I sighed as I left Atobe-san's mansion.

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A/N: I have absolutely no experience in any kind of business transactions nor any knowledge of any of that kind of thing, so if I'm incorrect about anything, please pretend that this is some alternate Japan or something...=.=...and if you'd leave a message about what I was wrong about, that would be nice also. I'll be sure to read it. Thank you!

Please leave a comment or review!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: ....Last time I'm putting this for this fic. Actually, refer to the disclaimer in the first chapter please. Otherwise, there is an obvious reason why I'm writing FANFICTION for AtoJi instead of making it officially canon.

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I don't remember my second oldest brother very well. I never have. From what I remember in my childhood, Jirou was never really around much. I didn't see him often at all except at meals, and I never bothered to look for him either. I think he might've come and visited me once--I remember a blob of light blond hovering above me smiling before looking startled and running off--but he never came back afterwards. Maybe he wasn't supposed to be in my room.

My first clear memory of him was him practically dozing at the dinner table. He always sat in the same spot at every meal, so it might've actually been because I was so used to seeing him there that I remembered. I don't think I ever cared too much about whether he was around or not back then. He didn't even seem too important. Once or twice I asked mother and father about the "pretty yellow fluff" that always showed up at dinner, but they always looked annoyed and mad, replying that that "fluff" was not important. I think I even heard mother mutter about why he was even born once.

So I dropped the subject. Eventually, I didn't see the point of him being around. I never saw him playing around the house, and I only saw mother, father, and Aniki, besides the servants and maids that is. They're pretty nice people; although I think they're a little superficial. They practically dote on me even though I'm the cause of most of their problems sometimes.

Like that expensive Heian vase that fell when I was seven.

I suppose I should be glad that they took the blame for me though. Who knows what mother and father would've said to me if they knew it was me at that time.

Well, in any case, while Jirou had been sent off to a school, mother and father hired another governess for me, just like aniki. It seemed they wanted me to succeed just as much as aniki. Or maybe they just didn't want me out of the house. I didn't really like the governesses though. They were all uptight and stringent. It was VERY annoying. I probably went through a different one every eight months or so, driving each one up the wall until they left. It was fun doing that I guess.

Think mother and father were finally irritated enough to send me to a school by the time I was of age to be entered into junior high though. But then again, aniki was also entered into a junior high school when it was his time. Oh well.

But it was about this time that I actually remembered that I had another brother. I usually forgot that I even had another brother in the time before junior high. Whenever a guest came over and asked me about how my brothers were doing, I usually only answered about aniki. I don't think it even registered that they said "brotherS." Eventually though, I think they either forgot or gave up on asking about Jirou. It wasn't like I was going to answer them anyways.

But I was reminded about Jirou at school quite often. More than at home at least. When I first introduced myself, people would stare oddly at me and then either break out into whispers or ask me if I had a brother named Jirou. Half the time, I blanked out and said no. The other half, when I finally got used to the questions and remembered that I had another brother, I answered yes. By that time though, many weren't too sure if I was related or not.

What I didn't understand was why it was such a big deal whether or not I was related to Jirou. He WAS the useless one of the family after all. Mother and father repeatedly said so. Eventually, I asked a couple of my classmates--who were gossiping and from whom I had heard the name Akutagawa Jirou or Jirou-senpai or the rare Akutagawa-senpai a few times--about what the big deal was. They stared at me as if I had been living under a rock for the past few years. Well, I had been living in a large, extravagant cage, but not a rock.

After their initial shock, they dragged me into their little gossip group and I finally found out what the "big deal" was. Jirou was apparently the little sweetheart of the school, nevermind the fact that that term should have only applied to girls. (The only person that I heard more about was an Atobe-sama, who I later found out from my parents, lived in the lap of luxury and would be an ideal match for me if I could manage to get him. And apparently most if not all the girls in Hyoutei were in his fanclub. He was pretty cute though, but his attitude was a little annoying. Only girls could be considered beautiful afterall.) In any case, apparently the majority of the entire school agreed that Jirou was one of the "most adorable creatures" to have walked the earth. It was my turn to look at them as if they were crazy, but they never noticed. They just kept on going about how it was cute that he always seemed to be asleep anywhere and everywhere, and how cute some of the places he was found sleeping were, or how adorable he looked in general, or how his hair was just a perfect blend of colors to make him look like an angel. I didn't understand that last part. My own hair was about the same shade. It was perfectly blonde.

When I mentioned this fact--that it was just blond, not that it was the same color as my hair--they went nuts. They began ranting about how it was not JUST blond, but a nice shade of red-gold. I raised my eyebrow at this. No way. I was considered the beauty of the family, afterall. Why would he be considered better looking than a known beauty?

That was, until they dragged me out to the courtyard where one of them had spotted Jirou and pointed him out to me. I stared at the fuzzy blob nested in the grass in the shade of a tree in the far distance and had to agree slightly that it wasn't just blond. It didn't look like the pale, light blond color I had remembered in my childhood memories. I had to wonder where the red came from...it didn't look dyed nor like artificial highlights either...

Anyways, after that, I began to hang around them more, along with some of my other classmates who weren't as big of fans of Jirou as they were, and eventually, I think people caught onto the idea that I didn't like hearing about my brother, because most of them just stopped. The talks about Jirou would fade around me as topics would change, and it was perfectly fine with me. I didn't particularly care how he was doing. He was just another student at the school. He rarely even came home anymore, because I would more often than not, not see him at dinner. Sure he could've missed dinner because he came home late, but after a while, I didn't even hear the door opening to let someone in late. But he wasn't anyone important.

Until one morning when I was eating breakfast with mother, father, and aniki.

Jirou was mentioned as being part of Hyoutei's tennis team...the one that made it to nationals. I hadn't known that. And we were in the same school! Since when had he joined? Last I heard of him, he was still sleeping his days away in random places at school! Such I said to my parents. I think aniki had also been in shock too.

Then Jirou graduated and it quieted down at school. No more girls squealing about how cute he was or anything....until I entered high school. It had been practically a repeat of junior high. Only, now, there weren't just gossips about how adorable he was--despite the fact that he was a senior that would enter university the year afterwards--there were comments about how cute he was when he slept on the tennis captain's lap! While I didn't have anything against homosexual relationships, I hadn't thought my brother was one, and so I said to one of my classmates, who then corrected herself and said that Jirou was like the team's mascot, like a cute pet that they kept around.

Jirou was now a PET? I wasn't sure whether to be horrified or not. But at least no one connected my name to his anymore. I didn't know how I would have felt if they did. The shame.

Actually, now that I think about it, I don't even think I ever heard anyone mention his last name. It was just Jirou this or Jirou that or Jirou-senpai did this or Jirou-senpai did that. I was happy when he finally graduated, despite the big deal many people made about losing their best tennis team ever. Apparently the captain was a tactical genius. I didn't really pay attention to them though. Why would I keep track of such an unimportant thing? And just because Hyoutei was proud that its tennis team won Nationals didn't mean that none of its other clubs and departments were useless. I had been quite involved in the art club thank you very much.

Then I entered university. It was during this time that my parents pushed me to find a decent boyfriend, one was the heir of some company or another or someone who would become someone known in the upper class. It was annoying, and I had to go through several men before I found one my parents approved of and I liked. He was quite a few years older than me, about seven years actually, and a little older than aniki. We've been together for the past three years and are planning to hold the ceremony sometime this year.

But then father fell ill with that pesky disease a year ago. And for some reason, he decided he wanted to see Jirou again. Jirou, who I had once again forgotten about. Aniki was also shocked at the request, which was understandable. What was even more shocking though, was when aniki couldn't even locate Jirou. Where had Jirou gone? Sure, I had forgotten about him, especially after he had moved out--although that didn't seem to have made much of a difference anyways considering that I didn't see him around much before that either--but it didn't mean that I wanted him to disappear off the face of the earth forever.

Then a cure was found for father. It was actually quite out of nowhere. I wasn't sure what to think, considering the odds we were given only three months before. However, aniki searched and searched, and finally found that the Atobe family was most likely responsible for it. Atobe? That pompous man from school? HE helped us? That was surprising. I suppose I should be thankful in any case. He DID help us--no matter how inadvertently it was.

But aniki came back from his meeting looking perplexed. Whatever I or mother or father had expected wasn't such a reaction. Rage at the arrogance of the Atobes (me), sure. Happiness from managing to secure a contract with the Atobe Enterprises (mother and father), sure. Perplexion? Never.

Then aniki dropped the bomb on us.

Jirou was the one who helped us.

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Aniki explained everything that happened at his meeting with Atobe, from Jirou to his relationship with Atobe to the invitation next month. It was a shock. The next day, I went to my fiancee's office, walking past employees and secretaries to reach the executive office on the top floor. I entered at his 'come in' response and sat down heavily on a nearby couch, drawing his attention. I never did anything ungracefully of course, so such an unusual action caused him to question me.

"What's wrong?" He asked from his desk.

I had to collect my thoughts for a while before I could answer him. "Say...have you ever worked with the Atobes?"

He pondered. "Yes, I have actually." he answered after a while.

"Was there..." I searched for words. "Anything _unusual_...about your meeting with him?"

He laughed. "My dear, everything's unusual about Atobe-san."

I raised an eyebrow. "I meant besides his attitude towards everything. I know how pompous he is. I went to school with him afterall."

He chuckled. "Yes, he is quite 'pompous' at times like you say. But he's quite an able businessman. Atobe Enterprises wouldn't be as big as they are if he wasn't, and they've only expanded since he took over as head."

"Anything else that's different besides that?"

"Hmm...ah, yes. I recall seeing a pretty blond--much like yourself--lounging around on a sofa in the meeting room." He chuckled in remembrance. "It was quite amusing actually. I hadn't expected him to have a guest, much less allow him to sleep during the meeting, and I don't think the other corporation heads did either. One of them even dared to refuse to present his case with the blond sleeping in the room, saying that it was unprofessional of Atobe to let a random guest sleep in on an important meeting. What if he leaked out information to other companies, he had asked."

"So what did he do?"

He laughed. "Raised an eyebrow, snapped his fingers, and had this hulk of a bodyguard lug the man out of the room screaming. Said he didn't want trash badmouthing his guests nor contaminating his presence."

I couldn't believe it. He's laughing at such a thing?

As his laughter died down, he commented, "That guest of his wasn't quite just a guest though, from what I've heard. He sleeps anywhere he wants during those meetings, including at the foot of Atobe's chair. That one I've seen before, but others have said that he's slept in Atobe's lap before. I'd assume they're lovers if anything."

"And you're okay with that?" I asked.

He gave me an ironic and amused look. "It's not as if anyone could not be fine with it and manage to make a contract with Atobe-san. He lets that boy choose who he wants to leave the meeting and who he will sign contracts with. Many people got it into their heads that making the boy happy would be their ticket to success. Much to their disappointment of course."

That interested me. "Really? Why?"

Then my fiancee looked suspicious. "My dear, what brought up all these questions?"

I waved my hand in dismissal. "I'll tell you at the end."

He gave me a hard look. "Don't be using this for anything suspicious, alright? I don't need Atobe-san on both our necks. Anyways," he continued, "the boy chooses contracts for Atobe-san, but when people attempt to please the boy instead and shower him with gifts, Atobe-san gets rather...jealous. Although, possessive might be a better word for it.

Only thing is, the boy rarely even wakes up without prompting from Atobe-san anyways, so it's quite pointless."

"Mmm..." It seemed as if what aniki said was true. And Jirou seems to have a pretty good life.

"_Now _will you tell me what's gotten into you?"

"Just a moment...do you know what the boy's name is?"

At this he had to think for a while, before cautiously telling me, "...I believe his name was Jirou..."

"No last name?"

"Not that I've ever heard of."

"I see." I was silent for a long while, trying to figure out how to tell him. "What would you say," I finally said, "if I said that his last name is Akutagawa?"

He laughed. "No, seriously, what if it was?" I queried again.

He gave me a solemn look. "Either you are telling the truth and it is, or Atobe will hunt you down for daring to claim that."

I only stared at him.

He leaned back in his chair as if exhausted. "By..." He shook his head. "Seriously?"

I nodded. "Yes, and we're invited to a family gathering he's holding next month. Going?"

He shook his head in disbelief. "I never...I didn't...that's...yes, I'll go." He finally replied.

"Let's take a lunch break."

"Al..alright." He shook his head as he began to lock up. "Unbelievable." He muttered.

Yes, it was quite unbelievable that my so-called useless brother had made himself a place higher than any of us, but I suppose that it was an appropriate ending for him. He does deserve all the love and pleasures that our family had never given him when he still lived with us.

Although, I am a little jealous.

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A/N: This was originally supposed to be a one-shot...until I somehow realized that I could keep going...especially with such an ambiguous ending..._...lol...of course, I also wanted to add in the good AtoJi parts...which will come later...XD

Please leave a comment or review!


	3. Interlude

**Title**: Reflections of a Regret  
**Author**: ice  
**Genre**: General, Family  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Pairings**: AtoJi  
**Summary**: An introspective view of Jirou's life from a childhood to adulthood from the views of his family.  


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When Jirou was born, I didn't think too much of it. I already had one son being trained to be the heir afterall. One was quite enough for me. I didn't know how to be a father, and wasn't sure I ever wanted to be one. I doubt the way my father raised me was the ideal life for a child. I knew that much, but as for knowing what to do myself, I do not know.

So, when Jirou was born and brought home, I continued life as if he did not exist. To my wife, who was quite happy to have a backup, Jirou was another object. She seemed even less concerned for Jirou. He didn't seem to serve any purpose in our household except to be there if something ever happened to our oldest. Not that we wouldn't prevent said problems from ever occurring. To sum it up, Jirou had no actual purpose in our life.

I'm not even sure who named him Jirou. 'Jirou' was the name traditionally given to second born sons afterall, a constant reminder that they lived in the shadow of someone else. Perhaps the nurse at the hospital did.

I was very detached from Jirou's life, and never bothered to become involved in it. His silence and soft persona only furthered this isolation. He was soft-spoken, did not cause any ruckuses, did not cry nor scream as an infant. We didn't have to deal with him. It was almost a pain when Mei-chan was born.

She would keep the household awake with her screams at times. My wife and I began to stay out later during these times until she matured slightly. However, my wife treasured her, and even I liked her a little. She was the baby of the family, a beautiful baby. She would grow up to break hearts, I'm sure. Whether her personality would put them off or not is another question. We began spoiling her rotten at times, giving her whatever she desired. It was the quickest way to make her quiet down. I almost missed Jirou at these times.

However, visiting Mei-chan and visiting Jirou were two very different situations. Mei-chan paid attention and perked up the moment someone stepped into her room. Jirou continued to sleep. I didn't know that he slept that much, but he seemed to be fine. He came down for meals every dinnertime. So I left the issue alone.

As they grew, I continued grooming my oldest to take over my company. He was successful in his studies and had made many connections in school. He seemed to have some problems with making it into the elite, however. I realize that Hyoutei probably has higher standards than one realizes though, and so did not say much about it to him. I don't think my wife realizes that he had barely made it into their world.

She continued to compare him to Jirou, saying that Jirou was a useless son, a waste of space. I really wondered about him though. He didn't seem to do much, but he survives in Hyoutei? I found that slightly difficult to believe, but no one ever complained about his habits, so I let it go.

His accomplishments in tennis did interest me a little though. I had tried looking up how he managed to get on a Nationals level team, but did not have much success. But then, I did not have much time to bother with it anyways. My oldest was going to start university, and needed much help if he was going to take over for me.

Then Jirou disappeared. He just suddenly moved out. The house felt a little more dreary somehow. It was the same as when he had lived there since he had been rarely awake and around, but somehow, it just felt different. But life moved on. It was his choice that he wanted to get out of the house. I suppose it is understandable though. Our family had been repressing him quite a bit. I wasn't even sure if he had a personality left.

Then I fell sick four years later. I had overworked myself and caught the latest disease. I wasn't sure how I would handle this, but by the ninth month in the hospital, I knew that I didn't have much of a chance left. Three months after that, I heard that my end was near. At this time, I thought back to that fluffy head of blond hair that had always seemed to hide in his room.

I told my family that I wanted to see Jirou one last time.

At first my son agreed to find him, but then he reported that Jirou had disappeared, that it would be very difficult to find him. I was disappointed. I had wanted to see how he was doing before my time ran out, to see whether he was living comfortably, but I supposed it had not meant to be.

But then a cure was found. Miraculously, I would eventually fully recover. It didn't make any sense. Logically, there was no way for that to have happened. None of the scientists had been even close to cracking the mystery for the past year and a half, and yet somehow a cure was found in three months? Impossible.

Then my oldest told us that the Atobe Enterprises had a part in it. My heart skipped a beat. Atobe? They were very well known for both their class and wealth. They were the top of the top, the best of the best; they had everything anyone could ever desire or wish for. Anyone who received the support of Atobe would find the impossible suddenly possible...as seemingly proved by my recovery. Any contracts made with them would almost guarantee one life-long success.

And so, my son went, both to thank you and to attempt to secure a contract. We had high hopes for him. (Vaguely, I also thought that the Atobe group would most likely be able to locate Jirou.) If he managed to secure a contract, all of our hard work would have paid off. I was slightly sad that Jirou would never be able to know this though, or if he did, I doubted that my wife and daughter would accept him. Perhaps my son would; he did enjoy being around Jirou when he was a child. I didn't understand why he stopped, however. Although that did give him more time to concentrate on studies, I had yet to begin training him. But I digress.

The next thing we know and hear from our son, is that Jirou was the one who helped us. Not Atobe.

Jirou? The one that everyone neglected? That Jirou?

But how?

And my son explained. Apparently, Jirou lived with Atobe, was someone who could influence Atobe. It was a strange thought. The one that everyone did not want to deal with ended up being the one who saved me, ended up as the one who had everything we wanted and worked for.

In a way, it was unfair, and yet, it was also fair.

We neglected him for our own personal pursuits. Sometimes I had wondered how Jirou would survive in the world.

I had my answer now.

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Please leave a comment or review!


	4. Chapter 3

This chapter took me FOREVER to edit...=.=...ugh...hope you guys like it.

* * *

**Title**: Reflections of a Regret 3  
**Author**: ice  
**Genre**: General, Family  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Pairings**: AtoJi  
**Summary**: An introspective view of Jirou's life from a childhood to adulthood from the views of his family.

**Disclaimer**: I can only wish I owned PoT...Atobe and Jirou would be official.

* * *

I don't even know why I gave birth that that useless boy. I had thought that he would have been useful in case anything happened to the heir, just in case, but he was too soft. He looked too soft, like he couldn't do anything, as if he would become a pushover. I liked that he was quiet and did not disturb me nor my husband when we were working, but it was annoying. I did not want an aggressive spoiled boy as backup, because such a child would more than likely attempt to overthrow his older brother, but I also did not want a meek little boy as a child either. He would amount to nothing.

Every time I tried to make him react a little more aggressively by randomly scolding him for things, he would just sit silently, face blank, or tear up slightly. Unlike my oldest. Now, he reacted, questioned what he did wrong. That was good. He took initiative; but this boy just would not DO anything. It was frustrating. I eventually gave up on him.

Especially when I found him playing with his brother. That was irritating. He was going to make his brother just as useless if he was going to constantly make his aniki play with him all the time.

Sending Jirou to school instead of leaving him at home was one of the best ideas my husband and I ever had. It would definitely get our name heard (I just hope they won't associate his uselessness with our name), and at the same time, get Jirou out of the household. He would not be able to brother his aniki, I had thought gleefully.

Besides, I had Mei-chan. She was an adorable little thing, with my beautiful looks and her father's sharp eyes. She would definitely grow up to be a heartbreaker. And unlike Jirou, she was loud, she took initiative when she wanted something--although, it was a little irritating when she refused to stop crying at times. The servants were happy to take care of her though, so I suppose that was alright.

I refused to send her to school, however, no matter how it would be better to have someone else representing our family instead of Jirou. Mei-chan would be attacked by all the little boys all wanting a kiss from her. I would NOT allow such a thing to happen to her.

I eventually did have to let her go to junior high at Hyoutei, however. My husband brought up the point that she would need to meet other people, and what better way than to send her to an elite school? I was reluctant to do so still, no matter how much it would be beneficial. She was my little girl, even if she was driving her governesses crazy with her attitude. Of course, my husband then reminded me that she needed to get rid of that attitude and to learn how to mature instead of being spoiled or she would never be able to integrate into society. How would I like Mei-chan to insult the other women when we were at social gatherings, he had asked. I was horrified at that thought of course, and had to relent.

I still wished that someone would be able to watch over her at school though, but I would not ask Jirou. That boy could barely take care of himself, much less his precious sister. He would come home late at random times, and sometimes not even returning home. He had better not have joined some yakuza gang or such. Then again, with his attitude, he was probably being bullied by them instead, but either way, we did not need such a thing sullying our names.

But then we heard his name mentioned as being part of the tennis team that went to Nationals. Impossible. That useless boy managed to accomplish something? He would have needed to take action to be on that team, but I knew that he was still as lazy as ever, sleeping his days away, even at school. When I attended socials, I heard other mothers mentioning that they heard their children talking about some boy who always slept in class and could be found asleep anywhere and at any time at school.

Then Mei-chan commented that Jirou probably got lucky. What perfect sense! Of course Jirou got lucky. It was absolutely impossible that Jirou would ever amount to anything. Even when that team won Nationals during Jirou's last year at high school, this logic made perfect sense. Jirou would never be useful to this family.

When Jirou abruptly announced that he would be moving out of the house, I was ecstatic. He was finally going to be disassociated with our family! Now, he either had to make a name for himself, or remain nameless. Either way, it would benefit us. So we paid for his tuition at university. If he became famous, the fame would come back to us. If he remained nameless, well, we could always claim that he was not from this family, that he was just a charity case.

A few years after that, Mei-chan found a perfect husband, one who would take care of her, and also bring wealth to our family AND raise our social status. It was perfect. My husband was also happy for her. And the young man, was such a nice one too, both handsome and responsible.

During this time, our oldest son also found his wife. She was part of a slightly higher class, which definitely helped our social standing, and was talented and beautiful. She was the perfect Japanese wife, quiet and graceful. Of course, she would never be as perfect as Mei-chan, but she was good enough. Although, Mei-chan really did have to work on being less outspoken at times. I frowned at this thought. Jirou would have been better in this aspect. I grimaced at this thought. Perhaps it might have been better if he had been born a girl due to his meek personality, but it didn't mean that I had to visualize that.

In any case, our family was absolutely perfect...until my husband fell ill. When I heard that he might not survive, I despaired. He was a man anyone could have wished for, attentive, kind, and allowed me all the freedom I wanted. My family had been strict traditionalists, and disagreed with my more wild personality along with my choice of such a liberal husband, but even they had to admit that he was ideal for me.

But then he mentioned that he wanted to see Jirou. I didn't understand it. After all this time, he wanted to see Jirou of all people? But it was his choice, and my son complied. However, I was irritated when he came back saying that he could not locate Jirou, that it would take a while before they could. Where had that useless boy gone? He should have left easy trails to follow, and been registered as every citizen should be, and yet he wasn't? The trouble he causes us.

But then a cure was found, and I completely forgot about Jirou. He was not important afterall. When my son found that the Atobe Enterprises had a part in my husband's recovery, however, I was ecstatic. We may be getting the break we deserved. Being connected to the lap of luxury would be absolutely divine. I encouraged him to secure a contract with the Atobes, and so he went.

When he came back puzzled, my heart almost stopped. Did that mean that he had failed? No. That couldn't be possible. He had succeeded so well in school in securing all those connections and integrating himself into the elite. How could he have possibly failed?

Then he told us that that useless boy was the reason my husband was going to recover.

I was in shock. That was impossible. He found Jirou? Or did Jirou somehow manage to receive the backing of the Atobes by himself and Atobe-san was the one who told my oldest this? That meek little boy? Impossible.

And yet, here we all are, preparing for the social held at Atobe-san's mansion tomorrow.

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I've been attempting to reevaluate my opinion of Jirou ever since my oldest dropped on us the fact that Jirou was the one who helped us.

It didn't seem possible at all, and yet, here we were in our limo, all riding to Atobe's mansion, each clutching a bag of necessities and a change of clothes. The entire ride there was quiet. Everyone seemed to be a little contemplative, and I, I couldn't figure out how exactly had Jirou managed to endear himself to Atobe and integrate himself amongst all these people, and yet have absolutely no word of it come back to us.

My daughter had told us that Jirou did not use his last name anymore, but still, someone should have connected the clues before he had left school. Yet, no one ever brought the issue up when I went to socials. There were absolutely no mentions anywhere about Atobe-san keeping around a little blond-haired lover. Now that I think about it, Atobe-san has never been featured in any kind of scandals, strangely enough. You would think that someone that wealthy would have been mentioned in the grapevine somewhere at some time in his life. Yet, all anyone has ever said or heard has been praises or comments about his eccentric personality.

Soon we left the city, driving through what looked like the countryside, but was likely what was the front lawn of the Atobe property, judging by the elaborate metal gates we just passed. The road eventually led to a large mansion surrounded by other vehicles. Surprisingly, not all of them were limos. There were people mingling near the front entrance as people exited their vehicles and greeted each other. It seemed as if everyone was familiar with each other.

I frowned. That meant that we would also have a difficult time integrating ourselves amongst them, despite our relation to the host's lover.

My husband and son both appeared calm, but Mei-chan was beginning to fidget nervously. Her fiancee had been called to an emergency and had not been able to attend, despite her protests and his disappointment. Eventually, her fidgeting reached the point where as she began to step out of their limo, she tripped over the helm of her gown and fell out...only to be caught by a handsome young man.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

"Y-yes." Mei-chan blushed.

He only raised an eyebrow and said casually, "Careful where you step next time," before entering the establishment.

...only to be stopped by a call from a tall silver-haired young man. "Ah! Shishido-san, be nicer to girls. They're not all out to get you, you know," he admonished and gave an apologetic look to us before continuing on his way with 'Shishido-san.'

"Really now, did you even see her? You're still too innocent Choutarou..."

"No, I'm not!" Cam the protest as their voices faded away.

Shishido...Shishido...I frowned, I don't recall them being anyone of importance. Although, the name DID sound a little familiar for some reason...

Then we entered the place ourselves. Mei-chan and I gasped at the brilliance we were greeted with. My husband and son were in a similar state. While our own place was decorated with expensive paintings and elaborate furnishings, this Grand Hall entrance was absolutely beautiful. It looked like the inside of what could have been the palace of a duke or king, or possibly even one of the great churches. Velvet and silk fabrics draped at the entrance, beautifully done portraits and landscapes hung on the walls of the hall, grand chandeliers hanging from high ceilings, carpets that looked so soft that it was almost a sin to step on and dirty them.

A voice broke us out of our awe.

"Oi, Yuushi! What's taking you?!" A young man with short, shoulder-length red hair at the end of the hall demanded.

"Ah...I apologize," A deep seductive (it was the only word to qualify it) voice came from behind us. The tall man with dark-blue hair adjusted his glasses and nodded to us, "Excuse me, I hope you don't mind me interrupting your...view," he said as he walked around us. He had sounded almost condescending. I frowned. This was not how I had expected to be treated. Shouldn't these people be showing more respect to other guests?

"Mother," my son lowly said, "this gathering is for the families of Atobe-san's close friends. They probably know how Jirou was treated by his family, and even if they didn't, they probably could have drawn some similar conclusion from the fact that this is the first time we've shown up at something like this when they've most likely gone every single other time."

I scowled. Well! Still, that was no way to treat a guest. And where was Atobe-san, shouldn't he be here to greet us? We ARE his lover's family after all. Even if I have yet to figure out why Jirou seemed so important to him.

In any case, we continued on our way. Eventually, we reached the ballroom, where all the festivities were to be held. The ballroom was just as magnificent as the hall, marble pillars seemed to stretch forever upwards, polished marble floors, a grand staircase covered with red rich red velvet on the far side of the room, an orchestra playing on the left side of the staircase while clusters of round tables stood on the other side near the wall and coming around to where they stood. Several families were already seated at some tables, mainly the elderly and older adults. A few children ran around, playing on the dance floor and running up the staircase. Several young men and young women stood around, conversing with each other.

My son found an empty table and led us over to sit down. A waiter immediately came over and served us drinks before leaving a plate of refreshments with us.

I frowned, commenting to my son, "Wouldn't it be better if we sat with another family? It is a social gathering afterall."

My son shook his head. "No, they know we're outsiders; it'd be awkward for both us and them if we did. All we can do is wait until someone approaches or we split up and talk to them separately."

My frown deepened as I sat back.

After five minutes of silence, Mei-chan began fidgeting again. "Um...I think I'm going to go walk around..." She said as she stood up and walked off towards one of the groups of young adults conversing with each other.

Then a couple came over to our table and sat down across from us. They smiled at us as they introduced themselves as being of the Shishido family. "We're Shishido Ryou and Ohtori Choutarou's older brother and sister. You?"

Ah, so that's why the name Shishido sounded familiar. There had been a little scandal between the university professor, Shishido Ryou and famous musician, Ohtori Choutarou. One of my acquaintances at one of my socials had mentioned them, saying that they had shocked their families when Ohtori Choutarou had announced that he was not going to marry any girl because he had his Shishido-san and was not going to give him up even if they disowned him. There had been violent protests at first, mainly because Ohtori was the heir to the Ohtori firm if anything ever happened to his father, and so could not be homosexual. At that time, I had no idea why one of the main protests had been because Shishido's family was only of the middle class. Though now, seeing that their older siblings were married, I suppose they must have settled that argument already. Such a sad fate for the Ohtori family though, losing both siblings to such a lower class.

In any case though, glad that someone decided to approach us and relieve us of our isolation, I introduced my family. Surprisingly though, after hearing that we were the Akutagawa family, they exchanged a glance and gave us a sympathetic look. Not understanding why, I asked them, "So when has this gathering been held since?"

"Starting about five years ago I believe. This is the fifth one so far." They managed to say before a child ran up to them tugging on this hands and dragging them off.

"I apologize, we need to leave." The girl replied as they left.

"How rude." I muttered. "Children running wild like that here."

My son gave me a look of exasperation as my husband continued to stare out around the room. Confused I opened my mouth to ask, "What are you-" Only to be cut off by a yell of laughter combined with squeals of giggling children. I looked over in the direction of the noise to see a young, red-blond-haired man slide down the banister of the grand staircase with a child clinging onto his back and several other children tumbled down the stairs and slid down the steps, all landing in a mess at the bottom of the staircase. The young man picked up the child on his back and placed him down amongst the other giggling children. Again, again, they chanted happily.

I raised an eyebrow. A man of that age playing with children? How immature. I wonder what family he belonged to. Even if he was quite beautiful. He actually looked almost as beautiful as Mei-chan, I had to admit. Exotic red-blond hair falling in soft curls around his face, a thin, lithe figure, a pale, smooth complexion, and a feminine face.

"I see you've managed to tame the little hellions." A deep voice drawled. I looked up to see Atobe Keigo standing gliding down the steps. What the magazines and other women said were true. He was quite handsome, and his black, tight leather pants and blood red dress shirt only emphasized his lithe, muscular body. As well as having a flawless face, he was the diva many claimed him to be.

The red-blond amongst the children looked up lazily and grinned, "Keigo, glad you're down. Wanna play with us?"

Why I never, even if Jirou was the useless boy I always thought he was, that did NOT mean that he could be treated like some toy to be thrown away after a while, and at a gathering at that!

Atobe sniffed, raising his head. "No, thank you. You can have your fun without me." He managed to say before being bombarded with the children and young man as they piled on top of him. "JIROU!" He growled as he landed on the ground.

Wait. THAT was Jirou?!?! I was shocked. Jirou was not the quiet, meek boy he was when he lived at home, he was not as faceless as he had seemed with no particular attraction. Here, he was actually being loud, exuberant, and was just as attractive as the rest of our family. How had this happened? Unless Atobe-san had given him a makeover. I frowned. That would make sense, actually.

Atobe snapped his fingers, stopping the orchestra and managing to get the attention of everyone present, who shuffled to their seats at the tables. I hadn't even noticed when the table had filled up since we had arrived. Mei-chan had returned, looking more relaxed, and the pair of boys from the hallway earlier had sat across from us also.

"Now that everyone is gathered. I would like to introduce a new addition to our little group this year. I would like everyone to disregard what opinions you currently hold of them for today. After, if you would like to return to your former opinions, you may do so." Atobe announced. "Jirou?"

"...Keigo?" Jirou asked, confused as Atobe held his hands and led him over to our table. When Jirou caught sight of us, he froze.

I stood up and made eye contact. "Jirou."

He looked horrified and torn as he looked between his father, his older brother, Mei-chan, and I. Then he backed up and attempted to run off, but Atobe held his hands tightly. "No, no, no, No, NO! I don't want to!" He looked desperately between Atobe and their hands.

"Jirou. You have to. You've been putting this off long enough."

"B-but..."

"Jirou, please, everyone here is worried about you. Every time I hold a gathering like this, you're always alone with me. They've all long realized why, and they support you, but you need to get over it yourself or patch it up. It's affecting you, too." Atobe explained, sounding surprisingly gentle.

Jirou looked down silently. It was a change from his earlier behavior.

"Oi, Jirou! Your depression can be cut with a knife these days, ya know?" The red head sitting at our table stood up and shouted.

"Mukahi-senpai!" Ohtori Choutarou said, aghast at his senpai's bluntness.

"Well, its true." The red-head scowled.

When I looked back at Atobe and Jirou, I found that Atobe has been slowly maneuvering Jirou closer to us, until eventually, he was in front of us. Jirou looked stricken as he looked up at me.

Then my eldest stood up and gave Jirou a hug. "I've never really wanted you to go away back then." He said as he released Jirou from the hug.

Jirou looked stunned. "You...remember?"

My eldest shrugged. "I was a kid. I don't even remember why I got mad that day. You didn't have to stay away forever, you know."

"But I thought you were busy...you said that you didn't need a little brat hanging around you all the time bugging you to play with him..."

"Like I said, I was a kid. I did visit you a few times though, but you were always asleep."

"Oh..."

"Onii-san." Jirou looked over at Mei-chan. "I'm sorry."

"Wh-what for?"

"For never trying to get to know you."

"......"

I frowned, why was Mei-chan saying sorry? She had done nothing wrong, and my eldest had done the right thing in ignoring Jirou if the child was going to be unreasonable about the issue. If anything, Jirou was at fault.

"Jirou." My husband called.

"...Yes?"

"I've never been actually raised normally, being thrown straight into the business world as a child much like I did with your brother. It was the only way of parenting I knew of. But while your brother seemed to take to everything, you didn't seem like the type who would. So I ignored you, not knowing how to deal with you and not wanting to learn how. I apologize." He stood up and bowed to Jirou.

Jirou backed up. "Fa-father..." He then rushed to raise my husband up and after a moment hugged him. "I'm sorry, too."

My frown only deepened. I don't understand why everyone seems to think they are at fault when it was obvious that Jirou was the one at fault. He should have told us if he had made a friend like Atobe Keigo. Then we would have treated him better because obviously, he wasn't as useless as we had all thought he was.

A pregnant silence rang out after I said this. Jirou gave a half-smile at me and bowed, saying, "Yes, Mother. I apologize."

"Well, you should." I scoffed. "Now that we're done, Atobe-san, please, continue with your plans."

Unexpectedly, Atobe narrowed his eyes at me and was silent for the next few moments. "I see." He snapped his fingers. "Kabaji!"

"No! Don't!" Jirou clung onto his lover with a panicked look on his face.

Atobe paused with his hand still in the air. "And why not? She is disturbing the peace."

"B-but, but..."

Atobe raised an eyebrow. Jirou shook his head. "P-please don't. It's only for tonight, and it's settled with everyone else." Jirou bit his lip anxiously.

I don't understand. What, exactly, was Jirou talking about. Surely, Atobe was not about to throw his lover's family out.

Atobe paused and glanced over at me, staring contemplatively. I stared back. He wouldn't dare.

Then he lowered his arm, arrogantly announcing, 'Yes, I WOULD dare to throw you out." I gaped. "I would throw you, and ONLY you, out. Clearly, you are unwelcome here. I have no idea why Jirou would want you to stay, but I will comply to his wishes, considering that it is his family that I am attempting to clear the premises of." Atobe glared at me. "Do not think you have the authority to do anything. I can ruin your reputation, and ONLY your reputation if I wanted to. You will not be able to even show your face anywhere without being scandalized. It is only by Jirou's generosity that you are still here in one piece. Be grateful." He sniffed and wrapped an arm around Jirou's waist, leading them away back towards the bottom of the stairs, as I stared incredulously after them.

He was threatening ME? His lover's MOTHER? How dare he. Even if he has much influence and wealth, he needs to learn respect for his elders!

Then I heard my husband sigh. My son gave me an exasperated look. Mei-chan stared at me as if I had destroyed something important to her. "What?"

"Mother, Atobe-san gave us a chance to make up with Jirou. If you can't understand that we've done something wrong, it was pointless for you to have come."

"Jirou-nii-san is nice..." Mei-chan said softly.

My husband stayed silent. Apparently, he was not going to support me either. I glared at the table as I sat down. The two young men, apparently Jirou's friends, glanced at me.

"You know, I think you've got a really skewed sense of what's right and what's wrong." The red-head commented.

"Or maybe she's just been spoiled too much and allowed a little too much freedom to continue with her bratty attitude." The blue-haired man replied almost scathingly.

"Her values are twisted."

"Very much so. I wonder how her parents raised her. She's from the lower-upper class. Parents were traditionalists. Wonder how she turned out this way."

"Hmph. Who knows."

I glared at them. They were questioning my values? How dare they. It seemed that youth had no respect these days. And my family. I can't believe Jirou turned my family against me. My son, my husband, my precious Mei-chan.

Yet the little party continued on its way. The food was served, the other guests began to chat--perhaps about me considering that I heard my name a few times, all the while I sat there quietly as my rage stormed inside me.

Later that night, as I prepared for bed, I took a walk outside in the hallways. I was still too enraged to sleep. I do not understand why everyone took Jirou's side and supported him instead of me. What did I ever do wrong.

Without realizing it, I climbed the stairs, leading up to another hallway of guest rooms. They were all silent. But then I heard soft voices coming from the room at the end of the corridor. The door was open a crack. Curious, I silently padded up to the doorway and listened.

"Why did you want her to stay?" I realized it was Atobe's voice I was hearing.

"I wanted her to have a chance with everyone." Jirou's voiced sounded. I scowled. Me? HE was giving ME a chance?

"Obviously, it didn't work. Everyone was appalled by her behavior by that time."

"I could always hope."

"She didn't even make any attempts at mingling either."

"...I know."

"Do you want them to come back next year?"

"...." A sigh echoed. "If they want to. It'll be up to them."

"Mmm..."

"Ne...Kei-chan?"

"Yes?"

"How did you know that I needed that?"

"Ore-sama knows all." Came the arrogant reply.

"...Thank you."

Atobe snorted. "Of course. Never let it be said that I don't take care of what belongs to ME."

Jirou giggled. "Yes, Kei-chan."

"Mmm...."

"Maybe by next year, she'll have cooled off."

"Perhaps. Now sleep, Or I'll fuck you into the mattress."

I stared at the ground, horrified that I was hearing that, never mind that they thought that I had a problem.

"Mmm....but Kei-chan, what if I want to be fucked into the mattress?"

I scrambled away from the door. I did NOT just hear that boy sounding seductive. I ran off down the hall and down the stairs all the way to my room.

Not realizing that Atobe knew that I was there the entire time.

---------------------------------

Atobe chuckled. "Jirou." He muttered through his teeth as he continued to create a vivid bruise on Jirou's neck.

"Nnghn?"

"You realize that your mother was outside the door listening to us this entire time, right?"

"EHHH?!?!" Jirou sat up straight in bed out of shock. "Seriously?!"

Atobe only smirked.

"Oh man..." Jirou moaned as he collapsed back into the bed. "I don't think I can ever face her again. Why didn't you TELL me?!"

Atobe chuckled. "Because you wouldn't have been yourself then." _'And you wouldn't have done that seductive little purr either.'_ He added mentally.

Jirou only groaned in response as he buried his head under the silk pillow.

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Please leave a comment or review!

XD Personally, I loved that last scene...*snicker*

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And surprisingly, for ONCE, I'm not listening to a Kazuki song..._...but it's only been about 10 minutes since I last listened to one of Kazuki's songs...cause I wanted to see how Atobe's were...LOL! =.=...I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO obsessed with Kazuki-sama..._...


	5. Chapter 4

The Finale~ XDD Hope you like it, and please leave a comment or review!!!

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**Title**: Reflections of a Regret 4  
**Author**: ice  
**Genre**: General, Family  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Pairings**: AtoJi  
**Summary**: An introspective view of Jirou's life from a childhood to adulthood from the views of his family.

**Disclaimer**: I can only wish I owned PoT...Atobe and Jirou would be official.

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The first thing I remember from my childhood was my mother scolding me for trying to play with my brother. The third memory was of said older brother pushing me away, telling me that I was being a nuisance, that I should leave and stop bugging him. I hadn't realized that I was annoying him until then.

What happened to the second one, you ask?

Well, that was when I met Atobe Keigo.

I had been a wide-eyed child, wandering lost in the huge school grounds as soon as the butler dropped me off and pointed me towards the school entrance. Eventually, I got lost and ended up just sitting down on a swing. The other children would run past me playing tag, but I didn't know what they were doing at the time. A few mothers sat around watching the children play, and I often wondered what that would have felt like, to have someone watch over me as if I was important. At that time, I could already tell that I wasn't really wanted at home. My brother played with me sometimes when he's almost done with or almost done with his work, but I knew that if I had bothered him while he was doing his work, he'd stop playing with me. Although...that was pointless considering he drove me away anyways.

In any case, it was when the bell rang for class to start and the playground cleared that he came up to me. There were only a few stragglers behind heading to class, so I suppose I must have stuck out since I hadn't moved since the bell rang. In any case, he came up to me as a shadow as I stared at the stragglers running to class.

He appeared as his usual glorified self, with pristine clothing, neatly styled hair, and a raised eyebrow at me, asking me why I wasn't going to class.

"I don't know where it is."

"Aan? Ore-sama will show you then."

I thought he had a funny way of addressing himself, but I didn't really say anything about it. Then he decided that I should stay with him when he found that we were in the same class. And so, I followed him.

He sat alone, away from the other children. I had wondered at this, but the other children seemed to ignore him anyways, so I gave it no further thought. I sat down next to him and stared at the front. Nothing was really interesting about school, I had thought before yawning. Even when the teacher started teaching, it wasn't interesting. It was all a little too simple, concepts and ideas and rules that I'd learned from watching my brother do his work. Apparently, Keigo also thought it was too easy, seeing as he had a slight glazed look in his eyes as he stared forward. Eventually, thinking he looked quite comfortable, I fell asleep on him.

Considering that I woke up when he shook me awake at the end of class, I don't think he minded too much. By that time, it was lunch time. Still following Keigo, I eventually reached the front entrance, where the butler eventually picked me up after most of the other children went home. I had to wait alone during this time, since Keigo's limo was waiting for him the moment he stepped out of the school.

And so, school had continued this way for the first week. Then a couple of the older kids thought I was a prime target to pick on. I had no friends and didn't talk to anyone. Unfortunately for them, they hadn't taken into account that Keigo was around. The one day they decided to get physical and picked me up by my shirt collar, about to shove me against the wall, Keigo appeared, tackled them, and fought them off like an avenging angel. It was amazing watching a five year old beat up several eight year olds. And his silver-gray hair and dark-blue eyes didn't retract from his image any. It only added to the supernatural effect.

Then he turned to me. If the avenging angel look worked for him, the concerned look he gave me afterwards took my breath away. I started calling him my guardian angel after that--never to his face though, of course--despite the fact that he was the same age as me.

The term guardian angel was apt for him, however. Even now, I don't know why he ever decided that I was worth helping, but I'm glad he did. (I think the fact that I never mentioned who he was to my family helped. After all, who hadn't heard of the Atobes?) After that scuffle, he was there for every problem I had, from when I tripped over my feet and skinned my knee, to when the only family member in my family who seemed to even slightly like me threw me out of his room and told me to never come back, to when I fell off that three-meter high slide when I was eight. It was nice to have someone who cared for me. Eventually, I actually stayed awake at school, if only to play with Keigo..only to go home and sleep everything off that is.

But I was happy. Even when the butler decided that I wasn't worth taking to school anymore and decided to bring up the idea of me taking the bus to school instead to my parents at the beginning of my second year. Of course, when Keigo discovered that I was about to join the few kids who took the bus home, he immediately demanded why and dragged me to his limo instead. Some people stared at us due to his commanding voice, but most people ignored us. He took me home from then on, after stopping by random little stores or his home first that was. We had time before I had to be home since the bus often took at least two hours before reaching all the homes to drop each child off. In my case, it would take it three.

Keigo had already discovered what my home life was like and confronted me about it early on, somehow managing to send in a spy to bring him back information in just a few days after entering the household. I still haven't managed to figure out who he sent. The person had quit as soon as he had recovered all the information needed, saying that he couldn't handle the annoying brat who kept crying upstairs and the strange attitude of the mistress. I had shrugged at that comment. I was used to it, of course.

But in any case, this discovery had only made Keigo even more determined to make me enjoy and experience life to the fullest. And it was fun. He took me to random amusement parks, zoos, candy stores, cafes, parks, just about anywhere a child would want to go. We didn't get to spend a long time at each place since we only had three hours before I had to be back, but we had fun, nonetheless.

That was, until his own family called him away at the end of second year and placed him into a primary school in Great Britain starting in his third year. It was a shock when Keigo told me the news. He didn't seem too happy with it either, but didn't have as extreme a reaction as I did.

I burst into tears and ran away. Eventually I got lost in his large mansion, hiding in a corner of a deserted hallway. It took all 112 servants in the mansion searching for almost two hours before someone found me. I refused to get up from my corner, thinking that Keigo was probably angry at me for causing so much trouble and wasting all his servants' time, but when Keigo came over, he only knelt down beside me and gave me a firm hug, quietly letting me cry on his shoulder.

When I stopped, he told me that he wasn't going to be gone forever, that he would be back for junior high. He promised that he would make sure that he came back, no matter what happened, and he would see me in Hyoutei's junior division campus come our first year. I remember continuing to cry, not wanting him to go either way, but feeling slightly better that he would definitely be back. I believed him when he said he promised. Atobe Keigo was not a liar.

In any case, he told me that his driver would continue to pick me up from school every day until my family decided they wanted to pick me up themselves, and that the driver would take me anywhere I chose to go and pay for whatever I wanted for the three hours I had to waste before going home, and that I was welcome in this mansion whenever I wanted to come over. I had looked up at him, shocked at what he was offering me, but he only gave me a small smile and told me that it was the least he could do for leaving me alone for three years.

Then, the servants spoke up, telling me that they would be happy to help me around the place or bring me anything I wished for, that I was always welcome at this home because they had come to think of me as a second master. I was shocked at this. Me? The one who my family thought was useless--yes,I do realize what my household say about me--was thought of as a second master by the servants who serve Keigo?

The driver gave me a grandfatherly smile at my disbelief. (Even though I had not said it, what I was thinking had apparently been obvious in my eyes, he had told me when I asked later.) He told me that he would be happy to take me wherever I wished to go and to spend time with me should I so wish.

I had to hug Keigo even tighter and cry again when I heard their support. Keigo had given me everything I had ever wanted that I couldn't find in my own family. I had people who cared about me because I was me. And of course, Keigo was the most important of them all.

Somehow knowing that he would be back made life a little more bearable those several years without him. I never took advantage of the free reign he gave me over his servants, preferring to go to the mansion he stayed in during the time he attended school with me, and playing with the servants, helping them cook or clean and whatnot, or making phone calls to Keigo whenever possible to tell him about my day or to ask him about his day.

Then, finally, junior high came around.

I was even more awake than usual, but no one really noticed, thinking that I was being my usual self, excited at new, interesting things, considering that they were gossiping about the new transfer student. Oh yeah, after Keigo left, I began to fall asleep in class again, much to his outrage...that was, until I told him that I remembered what was taught when I was dozing. Then he just stared at me in shock, or I assumed he did at least, considering the silence that came from the other line didn't sound like he had hung up or anything.

But in any case, I did make a flippant comment to Shishido and Mukahi.

"But don't you think he's interesting?" As I walked with a slight bounce in my step and a happy grin. Funny how most of them don't seem to recognize Keigo. Although, I suppose he didn't really present himself like he did this time, considering how preoccupied with me he was when we were children. I frowned in afterthought. I really had been restricting him, hadn't I? He reassured me that I hadn't, and rather had been keeping him grounded instead later that afternoon when we were alone and riding in his limo.

At any rate, it was amusing how Keigo integrated himself amongst the school on his first day, announcing that he was King and then defeating every one of the juniors and seniors in the tennis club. I hadn't known that he was that good at tennis, but I later found out that he had played in his spare time when he had nothing to do, and had honed his skills while in Britain. He didn't have much to do during those three years, afterall. Funnily enough though, neither of us joined the tennis club until our junior year. (To my family though, I kept up the pretense that I joined as a freshman, just to have an excuse to stay out longer with Keigo.) He, because he had no wish to pick up balls, and I, because I hadn't ever played tennis before and didn't know what I would do at tennis practice.

People like Shishido and Mukahi had areas they specialized in. I, on the other hand, had absolutely no clue what I wanted to do. It wouldn't be until the end of freshman year when we went to watch one of the tournaments that I figured out what I wanted to do. Or at least, it kept my interest for a while until I had mastered it. It didn't help that I naturally had strong wrists that allowed me to do my Magic Volleys as people named it. I became bored with it by the time third year came around and started sleeping through practices. Keigo got a little exasperated at me then, but allowed me to sleep. Good thing he was the captain.

Anyways, back on topic. By this time, I had begun staying out later and later and eventually just sleeping over at Keigo's every other night. My family didn't seem to either notice nor care, but that was fine with me. That place didn't really feel like home anymore anyways.

And then, one day, Keigo kissed me.

We were in the limo, and it was after practice. We were heading out to eat at one of the newer restaurants, and he kissed me. My guardian angel, my best friend, my everything, kissed me. On the lips. I sat there befuddled and stared at him in shock for what seemed like forever until he began to fidget nervously and told me that I could ignore that that ever happened and that I could leave if I felt uncomfortable. He was telling me that he would stay in another one of his mansions in the area when I cut him off by leaping at him and kissing him back. I was NOT going to let him go now that I had him. I had been repressing my feelings for what seemed like forever (By my fourth year in primary school, I had realized why I had begun crying hysterically the day he told me he had to leave all those years ago.); I was NOT about to let him escape when I could finally have him.

I think I shocked him with my actions though, because it was his turn to sit shocked. That had been an amusing reaction. He was so rarely caught off-guard, considering his overwhelming insight and self-confidence, but it was almost cute how I managed to thoroughly shock him, and especially since he was the one who did the same thing to me not even five minutes ago. He managed to shake off the shock before we arrived at the restaurant and gave a sheepish grin at me, reaching over to hold my hand. And thus, started our relationship. (I also vaguely recall the driver grinning at us from the front though. He seemed quite amused.)

School continued like normal, even as we entered high school. Keigo would be surrounded by his numerous fangirls (lucky for him, I wasn't an extremely jealous or possessive boyfriend), I would wander off and find a place to sleep before having to attend class, we would meet up for lunch, continue with our classes, and then either go to practice, return to Keigo's mansion, or sneak out on a date. It's quite interesting how people don't seem to recognize Keigo as much when he's wearing a hat and a scarf, and surprisingly, they never connected me to him even though I never wore anything differently besides changing out of my school uniform or tennis uniform.

Speaking of school, for some reason, while I didn't catch on to the fact in junior high, I actually had fangirls. Keigo only laughed at me when I told him this and told me that of course I would have fangirls. I wasn't exactly bad looking, he had said. Even now, he tells me that, and it still confuses me. I looked the same as ever, didn't I? Plain as usual, blond-hair, brown-eyes that were strangely tinted with red, pale chalk-white skin, thin figure with gangly limbs. I still don't get it.

But somehow, people believed otherwise. I'll never understand them. Anyways, aside form this discovery, there were also rumors going around that I was with Keigo. That did not bode well for Keigo, but he told me not to worry about it. Eventually, I found out that he had somehow redirected the rumor into one that centered on me...and how adorable I was, apparently. I'll never understand him.

It was the end of our senior year in high school, right before we were to enter university. It was then that I offered myself to Keigo as his birthday present. We hadn't really done much until then surprisingly; he let everything go at my pace, never pushing me into anything, although I'm quite sure there were a few times when he had this look in his eyes that said that he wanted to jump me. I'm not THAT blind.

I wanted to give him something special after all the things he had done for me, so the night of his eighteenth birthday, I undressed myself, laid down on his bed (or rather, our bed, considering that I didn't sleep anywhere else anyways) while feeling a little embarrassed that I was doing this, and covered myself with the blankets a little. He was surprised when he walked in after his shower, but it was worth the embarrassment.

I told him that he could do whatever he wanted, but he was extremely gentle and careful that first time, saying that he didn't want to hurt me. It was sweet. I wasn't exactly made for that kind of girth, and was a little nervous about it, but he took his time and made sure that I enjoyed the entire experience.

Of course, it wasn't that slow all the time; Keigo would probably go nuts if he had to do that. Especially when he was mad. He's sexy when he's mad, but don't tell him I said that. It was quick and fast then, but neither of us were complaining.

In any case, we made it out of high school with no problems and graduated. Of course, now we had university to deal with, but Keigo's grandfather had officially signed over all the forms and contracts of all the businesses they owned. Keigo would officially inherit everything, and nothing short of death would take it away from him. On the condition that he finished university. But he was planning to do that anyways, so that was okay. The surprising thing was that I would be joining him. Or well, not so surprising I suppose. My parents had paid for tuition already, despite that when I announced I was going to move out, they seemed to be quite happy to get rid of me. And even if they hadn't paid for me, I suspect that Keigo would have paid for me and forced me to attend anyways, claiming that it would be boring without me around...although how unboring I could make his life when I dozed through most of my classes, I'll never know. He's weird like that.

I liked university though. Contrary to everyone's beliefs, I wasn't exactly stupid. I manage to graduate with Keigo with a degree in Biological Research and Design. What? I was bored. Keigo had a triple degree in Business (and had also taken almost all of any kind of business related course offered), Economics, and Classical Greek. Obviously, we weren't in many of the same courses, so I either slept or did my work while he was in class. Sometimes I would attend his lectures with him. Otherwise, we were together.

The good thing about university was that we didn't really have to hide our relationship anymore. We weren't exactly open with our affection, but sometimes we could cuddle under the shade of a tree as he read a book. I think most people dismissed us as being the way we always were though, and the ones who were new to Hyoutei were quickly told how I apparently didn't have any concept of personal space.

Which I did, thank you very much. I just didn't have any around my closest friends. Wonder if they ever noticed that little fact.

But no one really noticed anything different between the relationship between Keigo and I until after we graduated and I listened in on Keigo's meetings.

Early on when Keigo first took over, people attempted to have me removed from the meetings, but they soon learned not to when Keigo called me over and asked me in front of everyone who I thought would be good to invest in--I didn't sit in on some of his lectures for nothing, you know. Their reactions were quite funny when I pointed out the flaws of each and every one of them every time they questioned me. They thought I was only sleeping, unaware of everything that happened around me, not expecting that Keigo would actually ask me for an opinion before making his final decision. Eh, their loss.

Though, sometimes, this method of allowing me a choice in Keigo's decisions did cause some problems. Several times, the idiots would try to bribe me with money or favors, thinking that I didn't really know what I was doing, that Atobe-sama was just letting his lover or pet feel like he was involved. I just turned over and dozed off again, completely ignoring them.

Then, there was that one time when someone thought I was too pretty. He cornered me after the meeting in a deserted hallway and shoved me against the wall. However, he had barely pressed his body against mine before he was thrown off and a sickening crack was heard as his head whipped to the side. Keigo stood in front of me enraged. I had suspected that Keigo had me tailed everytime one of these meetings occurred, which made sense as to how he got there so quickly. Whoever was tailing me most likely told him the moment the man had unknowingly followed me. Too bad this wasn't the mansion we lived in. The servants would have been loitering around all over the place and that pervert wouldn't have had a chance to get me alone. Then again, I don't think I would've liked all those strange people wandering in and out of our private property.

In any case, things settled down a little after that. That man was thrown in jail for attempted rape, Keigo bought out his company and made sure the man's finances were decimated (good thing he didn't have a family to support, that would have complicated things), and made sure that even if the man was released, he would not be able to go anywhere without someone knowing that he had attempted rape.

Amazingly, Keigo somehow managed to do all this without leaking anything to the press. Which I was definitely grateful for. The fact that I was almost raped didn't hit me until much later though. I had walked around in a daze for almost a week before I developed an obsessive-compulsive disorder with scrubbing myself clean. I also spent longer times lying around in bed covered with our release--not that I didn't already do this sometimes--in an attempt to wash away the feeling of that foreign body against mine.

Keigo helped me through it though. He was patient with me, with stopping me everytime he found me scrubbing my skin off (I think he set surveillance cameras on me at those times to make sure he could stop me whenever I started), with the times I clung to him whenever we went out and a stranger walked a little too close to us. I'm just glad that I was familiar enough with all of the staff members in our mansion that I didn't jump at their presence. They most likely would have felt hurt, and I would have felt bad.

And...I'm going off topic. Well, while making sure nothing got to the press, Keigo also somehow managed to make sure that all prospective contractors knew that I was off limits, and that any unwelcome attempts to approach me would end with their failure. I skipped out on a few of these meetings after that particular incident, but eventually came back. Except now, I would stay close to Keigo, be it being close enough to be able to use his lap as a pillow, napping at the foot of his chair, or even sitting in his lap--although, I think I gave him a problems a few times with the last one. Oh well.

It just meant we had more fun later.

Well, life continued on in this peaceful manner for the next few years, until Keigo told me that one of his secretaries found that someone was trying to track me down via the various databases. He said that they had found the person who was doing so and why, and reluctantly told me that my father was in the hospital with less than six months left.

I had frozen in shock, horrified. My father? He didn't really do much for me in my life, but he was still my father. I didn't want him to die. I couldn't figure out what to do nor how to react. Then Keigo told me that my father was sick with that disease that started the previous year, that there was still no vaccination nor cure found for it yet.

Despite the fact that my father nor family probably wouldn't even care about who helped them if it wasn't beneficial in some way, and definitely not if it was me, I knew what I had to do.

I asked Keigo for help and called up Oshitari, knowing that despite being a romance novelist nowadays, he had gotten a degree in Toxicological Chemistry back in university. Keigo also called in a few researchers that he knew were either already working on the cure or good at research experiments like this.

I barely slept in the two months it took us to figure out the cure. It took another month to make sure that it would help. We couldn't test it to see if there would be any side effects or not, but Seigaku's Inui, Rikkaidai's Yanagi, and Oshitari all said that there was a very low chance that there would be any side effects. And so, we released it, making sure that one made it into the hands of my father.

The month after that, I laid around in bed, catching up on my sleep, and spending my time relaxing with Keigo. That was, until Keigo's secretary called and said that my brother was looking to make an appointment with Keigo, apparently to thank him for helping his father. She said that she had hung up on him and told him to call back next year, and asked us what we would like her to do about it.

I suppose I should have thanked her for her loyalty. She was a nice lady. She had worked for Keigo's family for the past twenty years already, and spoiled me rotten with treats at times, saying that I was "an adorable little creature" and that Keigo "had better take care" of me or she'll go after him with a bat. Keigo had glared at her, flushed. Apparently, she had also doubled as his nanny when he was little, before she was transfered away when he entered primary school.

Anyways, Keigo had her call my brother back and schedule him for the the day after, saying that it was time that I needed to settle things with my family, that in the past year, I had been progressively getting worse each time I saw a happy family with both parents and their children together. I suppose I had. As much as I love the family I had now, however unconventional it was, I still wanted to know what it was like to have parents and siblings that cared for me.

However, the thing that made me cave into Keigo's request was the fact that Keigo was also in a similar situation. While he did not have any siblings to compete with, his parents did not care for him, preferring him to be a tool. However, his grandfather did see that his grandson was being thoroughly ignored and did occasionally call to see how he was doing, which made a difference. (It was also why his grandfather had passed over his son and daughter-in-law when writing the documents for who would inherit all the Atobe properties.) Added to the fact that I was in the same boat, Keigo understood very well how I was feeling. However, while he knew that he did not have a chance to ever make it up with his parents, he knew that I had a possible chance. He knew that while I was neglected, my parents had still paid for my education when they could have just disowned me, and that if my brother was looking for me all those months ago because my father was sick, that I may have a chance with my family again.

And so, I agreed.

Unfortunately, it didn't turn out as well as we had wanted it to. While I didn't exactly expect to be welcomed back with open arms even if they had been looking for me, I didn't think that they would have had completely given up on looking for me just because father was well again. I suppose I had been a little naive in hoping that maybe they'd actually found me (I didn't exactly leave hard trails to follow, having never exactly hid from neither public eye nor social life), but I didn't think that I was so unimportant that as soon as father was no longer on his deathbed, they no longer had any wish to look for me, as if I was something dispensable.

I was slumped over in bed on my front when Keigo finally came in, wordlessly comforting me with a hug. He always did know what to do, despite others believing that he was too self-centered to ever care for anyone else.

I eventually got over my little fit of depression at realizing how unimportant I was to my family, even after all these years, and suppressed it. I had our annual family gathering to look forward to afterall. It was funny how that had started actually. I had been bugging Keigo about how we wouldn't be seeing our friends from the team around anymore, saying that I missed everyone and wanted everyone to get together again. Then one thing led to another and the entire team AND their families were invited, instead of just our friends. We had fun every year though.

Ohtori and Shishido's family were amusing. Their older siblings were married, and they had brought along a couple of wandering little kids with them. Little kids that they were apparently supposed to take care of seeing as their aunts and uncles had left for vacation during the time we were holding the gathering. I liked the little brats though. They always brightened up my day. Surprisingly, their grandparents also came along every year, wanting to watch their grandchildren. Their parents were the ones who missed sometimes though. They'd come one year, but miss the next. But that was alright. Everyone was happy either way.

Of course, those two did throw their families into chaos when they were caught together a few years ago. Funnily, it was at one of these gatherings. They had been in one of the more isolated rooms upstairs, but you know kids never stay out of where they're not supposed to be. That was one awkward year though. The shouts from their parents were heard clearly throughout the mansion when they began yelling. Don't think they realized just where they were until they noticed all the other families staring at them in the ballroom. Boy, that must've been embarrassing.

Probably even more so when Oshitari moved over to where Mukahi was standing in the middle of kids, fending off the ones that had pulled his hair, and slung an arm around the red-head's waist. Oshitari had only raised an eyebrow at the stunned parents who had been yelling at Ohtori and Shishido about how inappropriate they were being together. (Apparently, being brothers-in-law made a difference.) But obviously, it was a bigger shock to them to see Oshitari and Mukahi together for some odd reason.

Maybe it was Oshitari's reputation of being a womanizer. Not that he's actually dated any. But that didn't exactly stop the rumors, nor his attitude around women.

But in any case, eventually Ohtori and Shishido managed to convince their families that it didn't matter if they were together anyways because they weren't exactly in need of heirs. Their older siblings were married after all, and they weren't related by blood. That, and the fact that they'd been together for longer than their siblings had known of each other, surprisingly. So with the support of the rest of the room, everything managed to tide over eventually.

Strangely enough though, Oshitari's family didn't even bat an eye at the fact that their son was apparently in love with another man. They were muttering, 'we should've known he'd go for a boy,' or 'I knew it was just an act all those times.' It was amusing to say the least.

Mukahi's family didn't take it as well, but they weren't as supportive as Oshitari's family anyways. They were a little like mine, but his mother still cared for him. It was just his father and his younger brother. Mukahi wasn't accomplished enough for them, and there were rumors floating around that he wasn't the designated heir, and hadn't been since junior high. He blew off whoever asked him about it though.

Kabaji's family was just as quiet as he was though, but they were a loving family. It was the only one where everyone was close to each other. Like in a fairy tale dream.

Hiyoshi was another matter altogether. He was no longer trying to take Keigo's place in everything, but pursuing other places. He had inherited the dojo from his father and had been keeping it up as well as working in the businessworld. His family was a little old-fashioned, but they had a great sense of humor. Makes me wonder how he turned out the way he did. Maybe the humor was too much for him.

But I'm completely off topic. Anyways, these gatherings were something that I always looked forward to. Despite the fact that my family never showed up and Keigo's family were never present, it was nice to have a house full of people and close friends. They all already knew about Keigo and his family; they could guess from the fact that his grandfather had skipped over his own children in favor of his grandson. Me, though, they eventually figured out why my family never showed up from their own socials and research. They drew their own conclusions, and I let them. It wasn't like I could stop them in any way. I had nothing to use to defend my parents nor siblings. And my grandparents? I don't even know if they were still alive, much less where they are.

But it was because everyone knew most of everyone else's business at these gatherings that made it so comfortable. That was, until Keigo led me over to my family who were somehow at the one held this year.

That, I had not expected.

I didn't want to see my family. I knew what they thought of me, and I didn't want to deal with it. I was perfectly fine with ignoring that there was ever a problem for the rest of my life. Why did he have to invite them?!

But Keigo wanted me to settle things with my family. And so, I didn't have a choice but to listen to them as one by one, they said they were sorry. I was in disbelief. They had treated me like I was lower than the mice who lived in the kitchen and they were sorry?! I wanted a family, but I wasn't that superficial. I didn't want to forgive them, no matter what they said. But then I thought of Keigo. He didn't have a chance like this, and never would. And they all sounded sincere.

So, I gave them another chance.

Until my mother told me that they had done nothing wrong and continued to defend her opinion. I suppose I was useless, especially since I didn't exactly have any defining features about me that made me stand out from the family. I was the one who would fade into the background everytime a portrait was taken, no matter how many times the photographer attempted to put me in the middle in front.

But in any case, there was absolutely no way I would have told them about Keigo. If they were going to like me just because Keigo was my friend, then they were not worth it. I was not going to let Keigo be used just because he was wealthy and famous. I gave my mother a tight smile before saying in a strained voice, "Yes, Mother. I apologize."

I stiffened in anger when she told me that I did right in apologizing.

But then Keigo called for Kabaji. And I panicked.

While Kabaji wasn't the most violent person, he was dearly loyal. If Keigo told him that he could do anything he wanted as long as my mother was off the property, who knew what would have happened. Kabaji had a strange sense of justice sometimes, and some of the worst, although very rare, pranks the team suffered in high school were construed by him. Keigo and I usually avoided the consequences of those pranks, but we were caught in one once. That was NOT fun.

That, and although I didn't like the fact that she had insulted me and accused me of not using Keigo (as if that was a bad thing), she was my mother. I didn't want her reputation to be ruined that badly by being thrown off the Atobe premises. That would have been all over the press by morning.

There was also this little part of me that hoped that she would finally change the way she thought of my relationship with Keigo if she talked to the other families present. Maybe being friends with one of them would be able to convince her that using other people for their connections was not right.

Apparently not.

She had fumed for the rest of the party before heading to bed that night.

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That night, Keigo and I laid in bed comfortably, talking about the day's events. It was peaceful...until he told me that my mother had been listening when I had teased him about wanting him to fuck me into the mattress. Now THAT was horrifying.

As much as I didn't like her at times, THAT was NOT something that I wanted her to ever hear or know. Keigo only laughed at my expense. I pouted. Stupid Keigo. He could've told me she was there.

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And so, life went on. Everyone left the next day, I had made up with my family (mostly), and Keigo and I were together and happy. We weren't exactly in want for anything either, and sometimes in our free time, we'd go to the tennis courts and play. When we were bored of that, we'd invite the old school teams over and host a semi-tournament. Of course, sometimes the press found out about these tournaments and tried to sneak past security, but that Seigaku's Inui's juice was really traumatizing. It's gotten to the point where some of them were iridescent.

Anyways, I guess I can understand why the press would make a big deal about it. Seigaku's Tezuka and Echizen were world class players. Even Rikkaidai's Yukimura and Sanada were still well-known, despite the fact that the former had gone into the modeling industry and the latter was now also a businessman. Of course, the most interesting fact for the press was the fact that most of the players invited weren't even in the tennis world. (Well, of course they were. They just weren't anymore.) I mean, who would guess that a model, or businessman, or photographer, or scientist, or doctor, or even a world-class musician could play professional tennis and be at par with world class players?

Keigo would let some of his contractors watch the matches from afar sometimes, which was actually quite funny. He let them hold bets on who would win against who, and of course, they were shocked speechless when I beat most of the people they had bet on. I don't think any of them had expected Keigo's 'pet' to be able to play tennis. I think I still looked sleepy while playing sometimes, too--that Mizuki guy looked pretty mad when I played him.

But in any case, life was good.

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A/N: The last chapter has been FINISHED!!! XD Only...this has been one loooooong-ass chapter...=.=....

Thanks to those who have kept up with reading this so far!!! XD

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Please leave a comment or review!


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